Brian Schrembs (@saucerpass) and I were talking a few weeks ago about the NHL and some of the craziness surrounding the teams, players, GM’s and Owners.  It seems like in our small world of Hockey there is enough drama to fill quite a few prime time slots on any of the major networks.  Brian suggested we do some type of award ceremony, not a “Rocket Richard, Lady Bing or Vezina” type award ceremony, but one more focused on the lighter side of hockey.  So, with the recent NHL Awards that were held in Las Vegas, we at the Deke are going to share our thoughts regarding what awards should be doled out.

I sent an email out to the regulars on The Weekly Deke podcast asking for everyone’s 5 “Awards” to hand out - I asked that the awards be for any aspect of the NHL and to be creative.  Included in my email was an award topic I wanted everyone to contribute to … As you all know, Randy Moller from the Florida Panthers was a special guest on the Deke and after 2 years of recording a podcast … Randy was our first ever “Real Interview!”  I am looking forward to the many more “Real Interviews” we have on the Deke … however, Randy was our first and will always hold that special place in our hearts.  I’ll throw in a few comments for the awards that need a little explaining, my comments will be italicized.

First up for the Awards we have Sandi Lincoln, The Weekly Deke’s Official Hockey Mom … Sandi brings a special passion for the sport and her sense of humor keeps us all on our toes.  Sandi is usually the one that points out “The Weekly Dirty” and you can usually hear her “Shhhing” her pug Sophie.  Here are Sandi’s 5.

1.      Have Snow Will Blow - Joe Sakic

2.      Double Dinner Awards / Sloppy Seconds - NY Rangers

3.      ACME Award - Phoenix Coyotes This award is for that one team that just keeps trying and trying and will never give up.

4.      Was A Coach (WAC) Award - Barry Melrose I think if you look on Wikipedia the entry that discusses Barry Melrose’s tenure with the Tampa Bay Lightning equates to about 17 minutes

5.      Jinx with Jugs Award - Sarah Palin Quite the clever award … seeing how when she dropped the puck for the Blues they went on a losing streak, until she dropped the puck for the Flyers which then started their losing streak.

Judy has been with us for as long as I have been hosting the Deke.  Judy has introduced us to knitting in the NHL, what not to eat at the Shark Tank and my favorite, her website … Big Whiny Defenseman.  Judy is also known for her segment The Weekly Dirty which takes wonderful commentary from the on air announcers and puts the statements in a whole new light.  Here are Judy’s 5.

1.      Most Outraged Announcer - Jim Jackson “You cant do that Scott Hartnell”

2.      Big Whiny Award - Sidney Crosby

3.      We told you that wouldn’t wash off and look what happened to your season - Jose Theodore Its what happens when you mack on Paris Hilton and score!

4.      Diluted Fasionista Award - Don Cherry

5.      Hockey’s Hope for high fashion - Vesa Toskala, Sean Avery, Ryan Getzlaf … winner - Teemu Selane

Emily is the newest member of the Deke family.  Known for her mad skillz at arranging Tweet Ups in the DC area she is also the prime target of the Schrembs School of Stalking … When Emily is not watching hockey or talking about hockey, you can find her teaching western civilization at the local Jr College.  Here are Emily’s 5.

1.      Bo Jackson Multiple Career Award - Alexander Semin Part Hockey player, part bongo player (drummer, percussionist, boxer).  We all love his crazy fighting style

2.      Halle Barry Award - Tim Thomas Did he really cry when he won the Vezina trophy

3.      Ponzi Pyramid Scheme award - Marion Hossa Hoped for a cup with Pitt (lost to Det), went to Det for a cup (lost to Pitt), now in Chicago … somehow he keeps getting paid more!

4.      Soap Star of the year (dramatic performance during the Free Agency) - Danny Heatley

5.      Zsa Zsa Gabor All Star Team (cause you can’t understand them) - Chara, Datsyuk, Malkin, Sedin twins, Varlamov

6.      Honorable Mention … Most likely to be mistaken as a Sesame St character award - Gary Bettman (as the Count)

Kate, also known as @Avsluvr or @MrsHockeyRocker on Twitter … Kate hangs with her hubby and biking buddy Tom - @HockeyRocker.  Tom and Kate have the best story on how they met, they were playing hockey, Tom saw Kate tie up with another hockey player and she knocked him out … Tom was instantly enamored and the rest is history.  Kate and Tom were recently married and they make a pretty awesome team on the Deke (mostly Kate, Tom keeps busy trying to pair wine to hockey games).  Here are Kate’s 5.

1.      Rocky Balboa Award - Evgeni Malkin (for thinking he can fight)

2.      Golden Toilet Award - San Jose Sharks (for flushing a good season)

a.      Boston with the Silver flush award as runners up

3.      Bobby Knight Award - John Tortorella If goons became coaches.

4.      Spidey Award - Florida Fan who flashes her boobs to get attention

5.      3 Blind Mice Award - All of the 2009 playoff Ref’s

Bill … that’s me!  Here are my 5 …

1.      The Little Engine That Could Award - Jimmy Balsielle Gotta give the guy some props for trying to buy a team.  Pitt, Nash, Phoenix … who is next?  This guy just wont give up.

2.      The Dad He Is Looking Out Of My Window Award - Len Barrie / Oren Koules So if you remember, it was only a couple months ago … Len and Oren were fighting over who had control of the team and they had to go to NY to talk to Gary Bettman to figure out who actually had control.

3.      The You Using The Whole Fist Doc Award - Brian Burke Here is a great line from an equally great movie (Fletch) … I gave this award to Brian Burke because he never pulls his punches and he will tell you the gods honest truth no matter how much it hurts.

4.      The He Is Just Not That Into You Award - Sean Avery With Sean’s comment regarding a couple of his ex-girlfriends … I think its just safe to say

5.      Why is he STILL a Shark - Patrick Marleau He should have been traded 3 years ago … but alas!

Chris, our fearless producer and local funny guy … Chris has been with the Deke longer than I have.  Well, that’s because the blog and podcast was partly his idea, I think.  Anyway … Chris had some pretty creative award categories and I believe there might be a smattering of sarcasm in some of these.

1.      Gary Bettman Award for Playoff Innovation - Bill Brister Evidently my idea of adding more rounds to the current playoff format struck Chris as humorous

2.      NHL Award for league most likely to overtake them for 4^th place in TV ratings - NBA

3.      Prodigal Mullet Award - Barry Melrose / ESPN He left … and now he is back

4.      Dead Beat Dad Award - The people involved in the Chapter 11 bankruptcy hearing of the Dewey Ranch hockey LLC (holding company created by NHL and Reinsdorf)

5.      2009 Snowbird Award - NHL General Managers who hold the meeting in Naples, Fl

Brian … or as we all know him “Schrembs” is our Fantasy Hockey knowledge base.  If you have any Fantasy Hockey related question please, ask Brian … then, do the opposite!  Brian is known for great Fantasy Hockey advice like “Trade Havlat quick, cause he is going to get injured” … Here are his 5.

1.      The “oh shit, you just got pwned” Award: Ottawa Senators for not
knowing how to deal with Dany Heatley

2.      The Papa Shango Sleeper Hold Pick of the Off-season - Florida
Panthers (my sleeper team to make the playoffs)

3.      The Fantasy Man Award - Bob Gainey (for putting together a better
fantasy team than most of the managers in my keeper fantasy hockey
league)

4.      The Worst First Award - For having the ugliest looking first line
so far in the off-season (Avery-Dubinsky-Gaborik)

5.      Brian Michael Schrembs Award for Outstanding Achievement in the
Field of Excellence - Chicago Blackhawks (see, much like myself, the
Blackhawks are getting in way over their head financially, and when
they have to re-sign Toews, Keith and Kane next season, they’re going
to regret signing Hossa. And while I can continue to take out student
loans and accrue interest, they certainly cannot. THERE’S NO CAP FOR
STUDENT LOAN DEBT BABY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Randy Moller Award -

1.      Skippy Top Shelf Award, ’cause that’s where Mrs. Moller keeps the peanut butter! (Bill)

2.      Most Likely to take a career as an auctioneer (Emily)

3.      Molar Award - I kept my own teeth (Sandi/Emily)

4.      Most Likely to make a member of The Weekly Deke’s team head explode (Judy)

5.      Motorboat award for linguistic excellence (Chris)

So there it is … if you have your own award to throw into the mix, please, leave a comment below.